On being… An expat at Christmas
Christmas is widely celebrated as a joyous time of year, filled with lights, music, and festive cheer. However, for many expats, the holiday season can evoke a sense of loneliness and sadness. In this post, I aim to share some practical tips on how to cope and thrive during the upcoming weeks.
To navigate through this challenging time, I recommend employing the “4-step Change Process”. The initial two steps are crucial starting points. Step one, the Focus Reset, involves separating the “Conscious Mind” from the “Rooted Mind”. This separation enables choices driven by wisdom, kindness, and values.
Moving on to step two, self-compassion is vital. While some may naturally find self-compassion, many struggle to discover self-care. An effective approach is to consider the kind language one would use towards others, such as family members or friends. Imagine participating in a support group for expats sharing similar holiday experiences. Reflect on the empathy and supportive words you would offer to someone in the same situation.
Responding to the emotion of sadness is paramount, with time and self-compassion being the most important factors. Acknowledge the feelings of loss and grief associated with missing friends and family, accepting this reality with kindness to avoid getting stuck in rumination.
Moving forward, step three of the Change Process involves Reframing. This step encourages considering situations from a rational, realistic, healthy, and helpful perspective. Pose questions such as "Why am I choosing to stay where I am this Christmas?" and connect with the reasons behind your choices.
In addressing loneliness, choices become a focal point. The five-minute question becomes significant: "Is there anything I can do about my situation in the next five minutes?" If the answer is yes, take action; if it's no, shift focus to the second part of the question: "If the answer is no, what can I do instead of ruminating?" This leads to the fourth and final step, Mindful Valued Living.
The objective of Mindful Valued Living is to align your actions with your core values. This approach is supported by completing the valued living questionnaire, linked at the end of this article.
The questionnaire encompasses various aspects, including healthy living, fun and recreation, as well as connections with friends, family, and community. Recognising the things you value becomes a catalyst for taking positive actions. Whether it involves leveraging your existing social network or, in the absence of one, concentrating on activities that bring you a sense of achievement or enjoyment, this becomes a genuine guiding light.
Guided by the mantra "Change the things you can change, accept the things you can't," strive to take meaningful actions mindfully.
If you or someone you know is struggling with the issues covered in this post and would like help to make the most of the holiday season, arrange a call for assistance.
Thank you for reading this article, and take care.
James